Holy crap!
Im in Singapore and im blogging! Trip been pretty busy…we havent really gotten a chance to sleep properly due to one reason or another and yet we’re still up!
We did lots of tourist things…we went to Sentosa…we went to Clarke Quay…we went to hooters…hmmm…..ok nvm hooters 
somehow even though i havent been buying stuff…my money is going! nooo!!!
ok im leaving
Holy crap!
Im in Singapore and im blogging! Trip been pretty busy…we havent really gotten a chance to sleep properly due to one reason or another and yet we’re still up!
We did lots of tourist things…we went to Sentosa…we went to Clarke Quay…we went to hooters…hmmm…..ok nvm hooters
somehow even though i havent been buying stuff…my money is going! nooo!!!
ok im leaving
yay…my exams are over….now to wait for whatever comes next…
exhausted from everything and is now trying to settle details for Singapore trip…god..this is really getting on my nerves…its so bad that its causing me writer’s blocK! My writing talent is dissapearing even more! nooO!!
I think I once said here that am able to emphatise with people and their problems. I understand when they are unhappy or sad and perhaps even why. However I am still unable to understand myself. The last person I am unable to comprehend is myself and so thats why I get depressed at times.
It gets worst. When I see someone whos just broods for too long it hurts me bad as well. I can see the pain inside him but I can’t do anything. Everytime I try to talk to him, all I get is the cold treatment. For crying out loud, if he cant talk to me who else can he turn to? It hurts to see him go through the same emptiness that slowly eats inside of me. I found a way to cope. I blog to cope. As of yet, he has not found a coping mechanism to get out of the funk hes in. It seems so ironic that last time he was advicing me on a similar problem last time and now somehow he is unable to cope with it. Such irony I did not wish to see.
My coping mechanisms, flawed as they may be at least gave me the will to at least give a smile. That at least is a breakthrough is it not? What is the point of moping around generally being very very unhappy and unfriendly? He may not realise it but his whole mood affects the people around him even though he keeps to himself. The further he draws into himself, it seems the darker the atmosphere becomes.
What really hurts me is that he refuses to talk to me. Is it because I seem to have a big mouth? Is it because of the age difference? Or perhaps it is my perceived immaturity? I cant stand it. It hurts to see someone who refuses help when he looks like he is drowning.
Ok about that last post…I was not depressed when I wrote that. It may seem so but I in all honesty was not! And no…I was not in any kind of denial whatsoever
Went to see the Psychologist on Monday, again still with the preliminary talks…nothing special yet. Although I feel better talking about certain stuff out loud. There is actually something to be said in speaking out loud repressed emotions and blah blah…
Anyhow I cant say much not cos need to get back to studying
BUT i found something interesting
Your power is: Transformation
Explanation: Unlike everyone else you
can change your body materia and transform into
anything (e.g. an animal). This can be used in
good purposes for infiltrating evil
headcuarters or adjust your physical abilities
by transforming and therefor do better in
battle. If turned to the evil side, a
transfomer could manipulate the “good
guys” by looking like their loved ones and
break them down.
As a person you are dissapointed with life. You
have not so many interests anymore and has
become depressed. Of course you can be happy,
but your happiness subsides quickly and don’t
last very long. You isloate yourself from
people since you think they would only hurt
you, but some part just wants someone equal who
understands the pain. When you transform it
gives you freedom and you can be anything but
yourself. You often pity yourself but don’t let
people come near and know what’s going on with
you. But the thought of opening up and risking
being betrayed is too strong and intimidating
to even try.
Negative aspects: You carry much hate to
the world and yourself and in the long run this
could lead to dangerous thoughts
(suicide/cutting/killing) though the last one
is least likeable since you would probably just
have too much guilt.
What Power is Compatible With You? [beautiful anime pictures + 12 detailed results]
brought to you by Quizilla
Its a Sunday evening and my exam starts on Tuesday….:( GRAHH….exams….exams…..
My cousin left for his Japan Student Exchange trip on Friday and I have to say that I am pretty jealous over the whole damn thing.
Why am I jealous? For a very simple reason. When I was at his age. I did not get to do any of the stuff hes done.
Both of my 17 year old cousins are the head-boy/president respectively of their student body and they have been exposed to a far lot more than I have. I suppose its actually my fault that I was never able to do what they did. I would like to blame my mom as my main reason for not being able to do anything but in all fairness I can’t.
Thinking back, it was all due to a combination of factors.
First: I have an inferiority complex (at least during then). At same time I wanted to do something so that my peers would at least talk to me but at same time I did not have anything to contribute. That left me indecisive and at the end left myself hanging. Perhaps if I could have made myself more outgoing?
Second: Friends. I’m not blaming them or anything, but I would not have been able to handle the ridicule if I found myself doing something big. I understand that even if they were making fun of me, they wouldnt have been serious about it but at same time I would not have been able to handle it. Thats not to say they would have been unsupportive….they just would not have cared. Well…it’s too late to cry over that.
Third: Parents. Everytime I wanted to suggest doing something a long discussion would have been involved about why it may or may not be a good idea. In then end of the discussion i would have agreed with them and would not proceed with what I intended to do. And after I hear about how big a success whatever i did not end up doing, I’ll just feel bad about it….not doing wonders for my self-esteem. The only thing which I ended up pushing hard enough was for the Fobbisea Music Festival. My first and last crowning event I would always remember. Espeicially since that gave me the chance to finally talk to my would-be girlfriend.
So when I came to Perth I wanted to change myself for the better. I wanted to become more active and perhaps happier. Boy was I wrong…
I became active yes….but at same time I did not get anywhere….insecurities began building up more and more. While yes I am able to socialise more with different groups of people I always seem to have this ‘outsider’ aura which has been hanging around me my whole life. And so I failed.
I think thats probably why i started acting like i didn’t care about things and became a loner and outside of this site I don’t think i’ll admit it!
Anyway….why must all great things must have scary aspects to them??
Look at Japan and the prospect of the next generation!
Check the website :
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher86.html
Check out Seng Yip’s composition it rocks!
Ok mebbe not rock..but its great for de-stressing
http://s11.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=20S476CNNXDFF3R858E25RWA65
It is funny that so soon after I write that plea, I get such a strange dream. It had you in it and I was looking for you. I will try to tell as much as I can remember.
It started somehow with someone being able to create some kind of a portal leading space/time dimensions or something…thats when it started being very odd. So a group of friends and I thought that it would be fun to use the portals to jump into fun places and play as much as we want. So we hopped to so many different places eaching enjoying everything to our heart’s content. However there was a catch. The more I enjoyed….the sicker I became. A cold got worst…and by the end of it all, I didnt enjoy myself at all.
It was then when I finally decided to start looking for you. So off I go… using that portal thing or whatever-you-might-call-it and start trying to find where you are. Looking for you ended up being a pain by itself but at the same time…I could feel myself getting better. But what I found really irritating that hairdressers were grabbing me so that they could do very strange things to my hair never mind the fact that I was getting very annoyed.
So anyway after lots of traveling and stuff where I basically gotten beaten down, I finally spy you walking on the other side of a lake or something. It was a really pretty sight at that…unfortunately I cant describe it properly. Anyhow…after finding you, I had to run to you and finally catch up to you.
The weird thing about the running bit was the fact that my feet suddenly turned to hands and i had to race against other people. My hands were getting extremely dirty but I didnt care. I was laughing and smiling even as I was being splattered by mud. All I cared about then was reaching you…only to find that after reaching you, I still had a long way more to go until I could stay by your side because you yourself is going on ahead but that didnt matter for some reason. Somehow I was glad to go the extra just so that I could be with you.
It could just be me looking into my own dream too much or it could be my subconciousness showing me something or it could be a message sent from heaven. I don’t know but I do know how I want to look at it. The dream showed me that I can actually be determined. I cant afford to slack off anymore I know. But eventually I will be able to stand proudly beside you and be free.
Empty. Such a common feeling for one such as I. Nothing here truly ever makes me happy. Always I am torn apart. How long must I suffer and hold onto the fraying threads together. Am I destined to always give up everything I long for and need? Even my tears have fled me. What is a life when nothing fills the hollow shell? Expectations, desires and civility are hooks digging and tearing ever deeper into a ruined and tattered soul. Give me to the sweet Darkness and solace of the night. Take me away from the scorching sun and let me rest in the shadows where it is cool and safe.
Failure is my creed. Doomed to fall shall be said of me. This mortal flesh and mined ever betraying my true being. Who then shall finally free me from the chains of failure and unkept promises. Give me the wings I desire and release me from the bondage forged with a twisted mask, bound by cynicsm. Unlock the gates of doubt and sorrow and unveil the masqurade that is my face. Break down the walls of anger and spite under the smiling facade and bring peace to the tormented one behind it.
This I implore, to the one who chose me so sweetly so long ago. Take from me what is left of my heart and my remaining desire. I long for the time when we can be together for only then do I feel your soothing presence. Your very words and face eases my pain and brings forth again the joy I had not felt for an eternity.
Oh and I forgot…
the bookstore which i frequent is..
just some advertising….Please if you are in Perth…check the store out…it has an original BBC Dalek inside it!
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